The idea of being quiet had never previously attracted me, or to be honest, even occurred to me, for the most part of my life.
As a composer I have always found my head to be full of sounds, music, noise and voices, so whatever else I heard outside my own head just added to the vigorous cacophony.
To sit in solitude and be still before God was a very difficult concept for my unquiet spirit. The only time I ever sat still was when I was working at the computer or smoking shisha in a quiet cafe. I always had to be doing something.
I was such a restless person, impossible to pin down. I even found it difficult to look people in the eye as I had an increasingly worrying personal space issue. Going to the hairdressers was always a nightmare for me, I hated having virtual strangers in close proximity.
Riding the London Underground was probably my single most loathsome experience and I used to find myself shrinking away in revulsion as an unsuspecting fellow traveller would just happened to brush past me. It wasn't just their touch, it was their smell, their presence, their voices. It wasn't even that they were unpleasant, loud or smelly, they were just there, existing before me and I didn't want to share my space with anyone. To this day I don't know why so many of my friends tolerated my almost fascist opinions of the world. I had often been quoted as stating that 90% of the world were oxygen thieves and had no place even breathing the same air as me.
Even as I write these words I find it hard to believe that I'm the same person. Whatever has happened to me is no small thing. Now, when I encounter such situations I just want to know everyone, to show everyone how important they are, how loved they are. This is the love that is in me because Jesus lives in me and I in Him. There is no other way to explain it.
As I said in a previous post, I believe God gave me my son to teach me how to love as a vital preparation for understanding and fulfilling His perfect love.
But back to the silence, the solitude, the moments of solace that I so needed and yet so evaded me.
After receiving what I refer to in a previous blog as my "baptism by the Holy Spirit", I became much more able to be still in God's presence. Several times during our regular Friday church services I was so filled with the Holy Spirit that I would find myself out cold on the carpet and other times it happened just when someone prayed with my, in a car park, a house, wherever. You had to be a bit careful where you were when you prayed with Lydia!
I later learnt that this amazing experience was called being "slain" in the Holy Spirit". It was a truly incredible encounter with God and I believe that it was in no small part God's way of healing me. Several times God had told me whilst I was praying that I would be healed through sleeping. The problem with this was that I didn't actually spend much time sleeping and even when I managed to sleep I would never enter a really deep sleep, therefore God's way was to insist I slept aided by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Towards the end of my forty day fast I really began to understand the meaning of quiet time and I relished the moments I spent with God each morning. Waiting on the Holy Spirit to fill me with His presence and His power was and still is the most amazing way to start the day. Thanking Jesus for what He has done in my life and the plan that I know He has laid out for me and the blessings that the good Lord has in store for me may not sound very exciting to the non believer but it is a time that will fill you with such peace and such lasting joy that even the worst day at work is a happy one.
Over the last few weeks before I came on holiday to UK I found myself smiling and praying as I went through the day and declaring to myself again and again that no one could steal my peace for I was loved by the Prince of Peace Himself.
Yesterday I had the pleasure of being invited to a Taize style prayer and worship evening held in a beautiful setting near Canterbury. The venue was a most surprising place and the only way I can describe it is through the pictures below.
Since finding my faith and becoming a part of the Rivers of Joy family I have enjoyed the modern style of praise and worship and am overjoyed that I will be joining the worship team after the holiday.
Only a year ago I would not have imagined myself anywhere near this kind of church, this kind of service. My experience of church was very traditional, cathedrals, university chapel and such. As a composer I had written much sacred music, some of which had been performed in Canterbury Cathedral and on BBC Radio 3. So for me it was a complete and total change of heart. I had never experienced the presence of God in any of the more traditional services I had attended or even through my own writing of sacred music.
I had started to think that the modern style of worship was the only way to feel God's presence. However, after this evening I have changed my mind. The presence of God is something that can be felt through any style of music, it's having a heart for worship that counts, although I do think that simplicity is key so that focus is on the meaning of the words. But this isn't a new idea, this is what the radical reduction in musical polyphony and usage of text in the vernacular was all about during the reformation, a need for simplicity in order to bring people into the presence of God.
The Taize chants that formed part of tonight's prayer and worship were very moving and embraced the beautiful harmonies of traditional choral music whilst maintaining a simplicity of line and lyric in order to be an effect worship medium.
During the evening there was a time for silent prayer, and it really was silent except for the sound of the birds outside. With the exception of sending up a quick prayer during meetings at my workplace I don't think I have ever prayed silently. After a few minutes I began to become totally lost in prayer and it was one of my most memorable moments of personal prayer so far.
I have certainly come a long way from the restless spirit who had no knowledge of how to be still and relax in God's presence.
There was such an atmosphere of peace and tranquility at this beautiful place aptly called "The Quiet View". Thanks so much to my friend Anne for inviting me there for this special time.
Jesus said, "Come with me to a quiet place and rest." Mark 6:31
Dear Lord,
We thank you that we can be still and know that you are God.
We thank you that you have promised us that if we come near to you, you will be near to us.
We thank you that when two or more of us gather together in your name that you will be among us.
We thank you that you know our hearts even before we speak.
We thank you that you want us to spend time with you, to know you, to be in your presence.
We thank you for giving us your Word and for Jesus' perfect sacrifice on the cross.
We thank you for forgiving us all our sins and for making us new creations through the blood of your son Jesus Christ.
We thank you that you have called us, that you know us all by name.
We thank you that if anyone hears your voice and opens the door, you will come in and eat with him, and he with you.
We thank you that you have not given us a spirit of fear but of love, power and of a sound mind.
We thank you that our soul finds rest in Christ alone and in Christ alone we have our Salvation.
We thank you that you are with us through all things and that all things are possible through your perfect love.
We thank you that in peace we can lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make us dwell in safety.
In Jesus' name we pray,
Amen.
As a composer I have always found my head to be full of sounds, music, noise and voices, so whatever else I heard outside my own head just added to the vigorous cacophony.
To sit in solitude and be still before God was a very difficult concept for my unquiet spirit. The only time I ever sat still was when I was working at the computer or smoking shisha in a quiet cafe. I always had to be doing something.
I was such a restless person, impossible to pin down. I even found it difficult to look people in the eye as I had an increasingly worrying personal space issue. Going to the hairdressers was always a nightmare for me, I hated having virtual strangers in close proximity.
Riding the London Underground was probably my single most loathsome experience and I used to find myself shrinking away in revulsion as an unsuspecting fellow traveller would just happened to brush past me. It wasn't just their touch, it was their smell, their presence, their voices. It wasn't even that they were unpleasant, loud or smelly, they were just there, existing before me and I didn't want to share my space with anyone. To this day I don't know why so many of my friends tolerated my almost fascist opinions of the world. I had often been quoted as stating that 90% of the world were oxygen thieves and had no place even breathing the same air as me.
Even as I write these words I find it hard to believe that I'm the same person. Whatever has happened to me is no small thing. Now, when I encounter such situations I just want to know everyone, to show everyone how important they are, how loved they are. This is the love that is in me because Jesus lives in me and I in Him. There is no other way to explain it.
As I said in a previous post, I believe God gave me my son to teach me how to love as a vital preparation for understanding and fulfilling His perfect love.
But back to the silence, the solitude, the moments of solace that I so needed and yet so evaded me.
After receiving what I refer to in a previous blog as my "baptism by the Holy Spirit", I became much more able to be still in God's presence. Several times during our regular Friday church services I was so filled with the Holy Spirit that I would find myself out cold on the carpet and other times it happened just when someone prayed with my, in a car park, a house, wherever. You had to be a bit careful where you were when you prayed with Lydia!
I later learnt that this amazing experience was called being "slain" in the Holy Spirit". It was a truly incredible encounter with God and I believe that it was in no small part God's way of healing me. Several times God had told me whilst I was praying that I would be healed through sleeping. The problem with this was that I didn't actually spend much time sleeping and even when I managed to sleep I would never enter a really deep sleep, therefore God's way was to insist I slept aided by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Towards the end of my forty day fast I really began to understand the meaning of quiet time and I relished the moments I spent with God each morning. Waiting on the Holy Spirit to fill me with His presence and His power was and still is the most amazing way to start the day. Thanking Jesus for what He has done in my life and the plan that I know He has laid out for me and the blessings that the good Lord has in store for me may not sound very exciting to the non believer but it is a time that will fill you with such peace and such lasting joy that even the worst day at work is a happy one.
Over the last few weeks before I came on holiday to UK I found myself smiling and praying as I went through the day and declaring to myself again and again that no one could steal my peace for I was loved by the Prince of Peace Himself.
Yesterday I had the pleasure of being invited to a Taize style prayer and worship evening held in a beautiful setting near Canterbury. The venue was a most surprising place and the only way I can describe it is through the pictures below.
Since finding my faith and becoming a part of the Rivers of Joy family I have enjoyed the modern style of praise and worship and am overjoyed that I will be joining the worship team after the holiday.
Only a year ago I would not have imagined myself anywhere near this kind of church, this kind of service. My experience of church was very traditional, cathedrals, university chapel and such. As a composer I had written much sacred music, some of which had been performed in Canterbury Cathedral and on BBC Radio 3. So for me it was a complete and total change of heart. I had never experienced the presence of God in any of the more traditional services I had attended or even through my own writing of sacred music.
I had started to think that the modern style of worship was the only way to feel God's presence. However, after this evening I have changed my mind. The presence of God is something that can be felt through any style of music, it's having a heart for worship that counts, although I do think that simplicity is key so that focus is on the meaning of the words. But this isn't a new idea, this is what the radical reduction in musical polyphony and usage of text in the vernacular was all about during the reformation, a need for simplicity in order to bring people into the presence of God.
The Taize chants that formed part of tonight's prayer and worship were very moving and embraced the beautiful harmonies of traditional choral music whilst maintaining a simplicity of line and lyric in order to be an effect worship medium.
During the evening there was a time for silent prayer, and it really was silent except for the sound of the birds outside. With the exception of sending up a quick prayer during meetings at my workplace I don't think I have ever prayed silently. After a few minutes I began to become totally lost in prayer and it was one of my most memorable moments of personal prayer so far.
I have certainly come a long way from the restless spirit who had no knowledge of how to be still and relax in God's presence.
There was such an atmosphere of peace and tranquility at this beautiful place aptly called "The Quiet View". Thanks so much to my friend Anne for inviting me there for this special time.
Jesus said, "Come with me to a quiet place and rest." Mark 6:31
Dear Lord,
We thank you that we can be still and know that you are God.
We thank you that you have promised us that if we come near to you, you will be near to us.
We thank you that when two or more of us gather together in your name that you will be among us.
We thank you that you know our hearts even before we speak.
We thank you that you want us to spend time with you, to know you, to be in your presence.
We thank you for giving us your Word and for Jesus' perfect sacrifice on the cross.
We thank you for forgiving us all our sins and for making us new creations through the blood of your son Jesus Christ.
We thank you that you have called us, that you know us all by name.
We thank you that if anyone hears your voice and opens the door, you will come in and eat with him, and he with you.
We thank you that you have not given us a spirit of fear but of love, power and of a sound mind.
We thank you that our soul finds rest in Christ alone and in Christ alone we have our Salvation.
We thank you that you are with us through all things and that all things are possible through your perfect love.
We thank you that in peace we can lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make us dwell in safety.
In Jesus' name we pray,
Amen.
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