Never alone

I know I will never be alone again.  There is no need for anyone to ever be alone.

I have always been surrounded by people.  By family, by friends, by colleagues.  And yet, I have always felt totally alone.  That is, until I felt Jesus by my side.

Most of us feel misunderstood, lost and deserted at some point in our lives.  Even when we have faith, in times of danger or emotional stress we can also lose our footing, our vision can become obscured by the troubles of the world.

In times like this it's easy to forget that Jesus will be beside us in a second if we call upon His name.  I love the story in Mark 6 of how Jesus goes up the mountain to pray whilst sending His disciples off to Bethsaida by boat.  Even though they had been with Jesus only hours earlier they quickly become terrified by the storm that descends upon them and instead of trusting in Him and calling upon His name, they try to wrestle against the waves under their own strength.  

Seeing their struggle Jesus comes to their aid but when they see Him they are too blinded by their own plight and do not recognise Him.  "When they saw Him walking on the lake, they thought He was a ghost.  They cried out because they all saw Him and were terrified." Mark 6:49-50.

The important point for me here was that even when they were too overcome to cry out for help, Jesus still came to them.  Even though they did not recognise Him, He still stepped in and calmed the storm.  

Jesus is still there for you, even when you can't see Him or don't want to see Him.  

When I was going through the storms of my life I was never able to see anything beyond what was immediately in front of me.  But now when I look back at my life, at the risks I took, at the moments in my life when I shouldn't have survived, I know that it was the Lord who stepped in.  I thought I was alone but all this time God had a hand on my life.  He was preserving me for His Kingdom.  That is why I can now trust in Him to walk with me, to be my guiding light in times of trouble.     

I have always had big dreams for my life but they weren't God's dreams, and just as it seemed the ultimate worldly achievements were in sight my life would come crumbling down around me and I'd be left wondering, “how can I survive another disaster like this?  What have I done to deserve this?”

But it wasn't what I did that was the problem, it was that I'd tried to do it all in my own strength instead of leaning on our eternal Saviour for whom nothing is too big or too small.  

Many times God sent me a miracle in my life, whether it was in death defying situations where I was pinned under the water by my boat, unable to breath and unable to move and then suddenly I was lifted clean above the water just as I was about to breath my last.  Or when I lost my job, as I seem to be in the habit of doing, God provided another solution.  When my dream was shattered and the music school that I had built was forced to close God put another opportunity my way in the form of the British School.  This was a fantastic time in my life where I was able to build a whole performing arts school with wonderful music, drama and dance programmes that reached people of all ages throughout Bahrain.  It also enabled me to develop innovative new curriculums embracing the best of the British and American systems in order to provide an outstanding service to the children of the British School.  And true to form, when this opportunity ended, our awesome God set me free to create the Inspire project and to work for the good of the Kingdom and the community through the arts.  

And with our Sovereign Lord at the helm I know that I won't find myself in need of a new contract ever again for my contract is my Salvation through the blood of Jesus and no earthly mistakes will ever take this away. 

So even now, you may feel abandoned, lost, dismissed as a failure.  Take heart, you’re not alone. The Bible says in John 14:18, “I will not abandon you or leave you as orphans in the storm — I will come to you”. I stand by these words, for He is "the way, the truth and the life." John 14:16.

Sometimes when you feel you cannot pray, you don't know how to pray or that your mind is too troubled to find the words then use a prayer such as this.  I found this wonderful prayer at a time when I thought I couldn't do it and I just thank and praise you Father that through the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, I now walk in your grace and your perfect love.  I thank you that prayer is part of my daily life and is as natural to me as breathing.

So for anyone that feels lost or unable to pray I ask that you use this beautiful prayer.

Lord, my whole being longs for You. My mind desires Your peace, my heart desires the warmth of Your presence and my body aches for Your nearness and the intimacy that lovers share. But Lord, prayer has become so difficult. Silence seems so empty, words seem so dull and my mind seems distracted by many things. Yet more than anything my heart feels weighed down by fears, doubts and anxieties. I feel, Lord, as if You have left me and I am now all alone in this world, a stranger in a place I once called home.

Lord, I long for prayer, silence and solitude where I can just be alone with You. I feel tired with everything right now and need to rest in You. The more I try and pray the more it seems like I am not praying. The more I try to seek You, Lord, the more You seem to go away from me. Lord, I want to live in Your light but my feet seem paralyzed and unable to move towards You. Please Lord, draw me more deeply into that light, into that ocean of peace that is Your heart. I long for the time where I can just rest in You, when all of my doubts and fears will be silenced and I can just sleep in Your arms like a child with his mother.

Yet I must believe that I already possess that intimacy with You, even though I feel like I am in darkness. I choose to believe that You are not far away. I believe that You are close, too close even for my senses to perceive You. Please Lord, do not allow the darkness to overcome me. Without Your grace I cannot face it, but with Your grace I can rest in it and even say, “this too shall pass.”

Where could I go anyway if You were not here. I could not find You on my own nor could I discover something more profound or more beautiful than You. Lord, I could not discover You without You because You have discovered me, You have found me, You have revealed Yourself to me!

Yet so many people have come and gone in my life. So many friends have captured my heart and then have moved on, taking my heart with them. Lord, I can’t help but fear that You too will leave someday? My heart trembles at the thought of another separation. I know it is silly to compare You with people and to even doubt Your commitment to me is a sign that I do not understand Your love for me.

Despite all my confusion I can hear Your whisperings in my heart telling me that I am loved and that You will never abandon me. My God, I trust You with the little strength and energy I feel that I have. Thank You, Lord, for being faithful; please, in Your mercy grant me the grace to be faithful to You. 

In Jesus' Name,

Amen.


Thanks to Jeremiah Myriam Shryock for this prayer.